Extracting the Best from the Worst Relationships

October 29, 2017


Often, when our relationships end, we feel so awful and emotional that extricating ourselves from the situation with a modicum of dignity intact is all we can do.


However, we can turn even the worst relationships into valuable lessons if we mine them.


What Does It Mean to “Mine a Relationship?”

Mining a relationship is the process of considering what you learned from it and extracting the lessons you will use going forward. Every relationship gives us valuable information about who we are, what we value, and how we want our future relationships to be. When we ask ourselves the right questions, even the worst relationships have great value:


  • How did the relationship make me feel emotionally, and how do I want to feel in future relationships?

  • Did that relationship bring out any behavior on my part that I would rather not repeat?

  • What needs were not getting met in that relationship?

    • Needs include things like feeling safe, being validated, feeling supported

  • If I had to sum up who I was in this relationship in one sentence, what would it be, and who do I want to be in future relationships?


No relationship is ever a failure unless we fail to learn from it. So take the time to mine your past relationships and use that knowledge to create better-feeling, healthier relationships in the future.


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