A Skills-Based Approach
That Serves the Relationship and the Individual
It begins with little slights you try to ignore. You tell yourself they're doing the best they can and try to let it go.
Frustration builds when you try to get your partner to understand something very important to you, but they can't or won't comprehend what you're saying. So attached to their own perspective are they that they refuse to even acknowledge that there might be another way of looking at things.
Fury erupts when they twist your words and somehow manage to make you the bad guy while completely invalidating your view of the situation. It makes you want to scream. Or actually scream. But screaming only makes things worse. Your only options are to engage in the madness, which accomplishes nothing, or surrender and resign yourself to never being understood.
As humans, we need to be heard and validated, especially by the people we love.
Feeling unseen, misunderstood and disrespected eats away at the very core of our self-esteem and can make us feel crazy.
Yet couples do this to each other all the time—sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally.
The sad thing is (for those who never know this) it doesn't have to be this way.
There are skills couples can learn to:
communicate more effectively,
listen so that their partner feels heard,
balance their needs with those of their partner,
take care of themselves without being a victim or martyr, and
respond to upsetting situations in ways that don't escalate arguments.
This is the essence of my resilience training model.
It can help couples bring out the best in each other and rekindle the flames that have dimmed in the face of conflict.
20 years of resilience training and couples counseling has shown me that resilience can be taught, and there is no better place to apply it than with couples conflict because it helps both parties clarify what matters, think constructively about how they want to show up in their lives, and focus on what they can control rather than blaming and shaming their partner.
Applying resilience training to couples counseling gives both participants
a set of skills that will serve them individually and in all relationships
for the rest of their lives.
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Couples Counseling that Builds Resilience
These skills serve both participants in all
relationships—personal and professional.
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE SKILLS
...help you regulate your emotions and take care of yourself in highly stressful situations.
...help you communicate effectively and build supportive relationships.
...help you repair the physical effects of stress and access your Inner Wisdom when making decisions.
The MacDermott Method Resilience Model
Self-awareness helps you take responsibility for your side of the relationship equation.
Structuring your life around your STRENGTHS builds self-esteem and helps you feel empowered.
Making your NEEDS a priority and finding a way to balance them with those of your partner is key to creating a relationship in which both parties can feel good and flourish.
Living in alignment with a shared set of VALUES allows couples to feel good about themselves and the life they are creating together.
Making sure the BELIEFS you choose to live your life by serve you and align with those of your partner is fundamental to creating a relationship that feels mutually supportive.